blarg fish??!!?!

A black man became President yesterday, in case ya didn’t know.

I watched the coverage between episodes of South Park and Arrested Development with my friends Derek and Jon. We were sitting at the TV when the announcement was made. We watched McCain give his concession speech. We watched as Obama walked up to his podium with his family, and then proceeded to announce his historical triumph.

First, I was expecting Obama to give a great speech. I was not surprised by his performance. He is a great speaker and has portrayed himself in a very positive social light, to me one of the biggest contributing factors in this election outcome. If you haven’t faced the fact that issues are irrelevant to getting elected into the most important office in America you are so fucking stupid you can’t connect two dots with a straight line if someone put a piece of paper in front of you with two dots on it, and then put a pen in your hand and tried to trace the line for you.

This is not a slight against Obama. He didn’t create this political environment but he does understand it. With that understanding he was able to maneuver his way into office by winning the election. And I applaud his success, for he entered an environment, analyzed it, and then manipulated the factors of that environment to create a desired outcome. He worked hard and succeeded.

Now what really caught me off guard was the concession speech by McCain. I was not expecting to hear such eloquent remarks by a man just informed that he had lost the presidency. This man walked up to his podium and told us a story about a country that needs to come together to overcome the issues facing it. He pledged himself to work with President elect Obama despite their differences. He did an excellent job addressing the issue of race, tackling it head on and without fear instead of making it awkward. He even offered his condolences to Obama’s grandmother, which I found particularly nice of him. And then he blew me away by telling this nation that his campaign was going to be the highest achievement of his life. Is this particularly profound given he won’t be running again? No. But to willingly tell an entire nation that is pretty amazing in my book. If you don’t think so I would ask you to go find ten people you don’t know and tell them honestly what your dream in life is. Chances are you are so fucked up you can’t bear to face the inevitable human desire to tear apart something dear to another – a display I’m sure those ten people will perform for you.

All in all, I am pleased with the outcome of this election. Norm Coleman is going to win. Al Franken’s public service career is trashed. Obama gave a great speech. I might have to pay higher taxes. Okay, I probably will pay higher taxes but it wont be the end of the world. McCain left in the most graceful fashion I could imagine. No more campaign ads woohooo!

Today took me back to four years ago. I couldn’t vote then, but for some reason I decided to stay up until the last votes were tallied. I was up pretty late that night.

When I think back on that night, I feel pretty proud. I cared enough about the election and what I perceived was going to happen to our country that I decided to practically pull an all-nighter on a school night. And truly, that night was just the culmination of my election-following that year; I was constantly reading about and analyzing the issues.

This year was a lot different. I’ve grown a lot in a direction that I have started to realize I am happy with. I could never be content if I held a world-view that led me along an already trodden path of human progress. Truly, I need to shoot off into the unknown.

And when I angle my trajectory back to familiar territory later in life, I can tell everyone how it was, and hopefully that telling will enrich those peoples’ lives. Let’s take that trajectory and move it back to familiar ground right now though, so I can finish my idea.

My growth has led to a further evolution of the ideas I espoused those four years ago. I have not entirely forsaken the beliefs I once embraced, and the time I spent in the voting booth proves that. :)

I have, however, evolved those ideas into something wildly radical by the average standard. Like I mentioned before, I am content with this change, and that’s because I really hate the average standard. I have thrown some old perspective in the landfill of ideas, but there are still remnants of the foundation I set about creating in high school.

It really is funny to me, though I’m sure not to you, how I had perceived myself as caring little for this election. I ranted quite a bit during its course, vocally relating my hatred of the entire thing. There are still many reasons why this year’s election disgusts me. Yet, I find, at the end of it all, that I really did care quite a bit the entire time.

If you are going to do like I and watch election coverage tonight, you should tune to FOX News. No, I don’t give a fuck about your views on media bias; If you are smart enough to know media bias exists then you know it exists everywhere and you had better be able to filter it. You should tune to FOX News because the Election HQ ticker on the bottom of the screen IS FUCKING AMAZING! FO’ REAL DAWG SO MUCH INFO AT ONCE ITS LIKE SENSORY OVERLOAD YO

I just got back from the Minnesota State Fair, having attended with my family (including my brother’s good friend Davis). It was an interesting time. Such a large gathering gave me a great opportunity to observe people in a setting of the masses, naturally.

In the car on the way there I learned of the recent Vice President nomination by John McCain – some governor from Alaska apparently. What ensued was (once again, naturally) a decently heated argument about the state of politics. I’ve found that I can’t stand to get involved with this race and the candidates but will vehemently argue when it comes to the general conception of American politics and all that’s wrong with it.

That good ‘ole debate spirit infused inside of me, we touched down at the $20 parking lot right off Larpenteur next to the Source Comics and Games. That store is great by the way – Pat is still there and kickin’ it.

Cutting a sharp path through the eastern segment of the fair took us past the Obama and McCain booths, as well as the DFL tent, and a right hook eventually took us to the Republican tent. At all of these places I stopped, approached the volunteers, explained to each one that I had absolutely no knowledge concerning this presidential race and that I wanted some campaign literature that would give me a good general idea of each candidates’ perspective.

And here is where I have to take a slight detour. For anyone who doesn’t understand – a lot of you – I’m at a precarious position in my political beliefs; that is, I’m rapidly losing more and more faith in the system’s current iteration. American politics are one of the most disgusting things I can sit and think about because I believe in people in the general sense, and seeing everyone being so stupid and blind about serious problems with our government throws my world in a whirl.

So the pertinant question is as such: What did I get?

Well the GOP tent was full of people buying McCain buttons, the tables full of minor Republican candidates literature left relatively untouched. Where was the literature on McCain? Beats me, I couldn’t find it. Depressing, but lets not stop here.

The DFL tent is the next stop on this recollected journey. Now this tent was even worse. We have a huge section of tables spanning an entire half of the tent where volunteers are… <drumroll> … selling Obama t-shirts! YAY! I’m gonna buy a shirt but I know nothing about his fucking policies!!! Not.

Dejected, I turned to leave, and five minutes later (Big Brother) I receive a cold call from the Obama campaign center. This girl (who sounded quite attractive) knew my name – odd since I haven’t signed up for anything politically related since I registered to vote with Spencer Burke at the age of 17 at a Plea for Peace concert at the First Ave. She asked who I was voting for and I told her I hadn’t decided, so she proceeded to ask me if I had any questions for her.

I responded by informing her I was at the State Fair at that exact moment by the big bacon on a stick booth, that I had just been to the DFL booth and that there was a severe lack of campaign lit. She was surprised that I chanced to be at the fair, and kindly gave me exact directions to the Obama booth, where I was promised to find some lit. This girl is informed too, I’m practically swooning on the other line.

Well, armed with this information I decide to head over to both the Obama and McCain booths, having passed them up on the way in. And boy am I glad I did, for I don’t know where I’d be without great one liners about Obama’s fatherless upbringing or McCain’s “remarkable record of leadership and experience”.

Great guys. Where is all that campaign money going if the biggest gathering of people in Minnesota is completely devoid of any real information about the candidates?

Do all you motherfuckers really appreciate the feeling you get by “participating” in shirt wearing and button fixation, telling your 4 year old that he should want more oil, or taking pictures next to a cardboard cutout of Obama this much?

If this is politics we might as well take the potential candidates and toss them in a ritzy house and make a reality show of it.

McCain: “God damn it Obama! I’m trying to watch TV – will you turn down the fucking radio??!?!”
Obama: “Good job dude, there goes the evangelical vote… woah The Cosby show? Awesome!”

Presidential bonding – it’d be great.

Well, I gotta go get drunk and sing some songs. I will leave you all with a bright note. The new Viper SRT 10 is amazing, especially in the LIME GREEN (if you’ve seen a certain rap music video you know what I’m talking about here…). The door handles on that thing are unreal and you could cut steel with the contour lines running along the sides.

As promised…

D Major.